Monday, April 20, 2009


So, today i had one of those moments that i just knew i needed to blog about. obviously i don't have those very often, much to the chagrin of some of my friends ;) But, anyways, today i took cole and camryn up to our church's coffee shop much like we do almost every week, and usually it is full with other moms and their little munchkins running around. But today we saw that there was a large crowd of teenagers in the park that is right next to our church, and when we got inside to the coffee shop to sit down and eat our lunch many of the students started coming in to buy drinks and such and i noticed that one of the girls had on an Olathe East Hawks sweatshirt. Well, since that is the high school that i graduated from i got kind of curious and asked her what they were doing in the park. She told me that they were having their senior picnic, and I told her that i went to Olathe East and so she asked me when i graduated and i told her 2000. She then said Oh, wow! as if that was a century ago, and then she started asking me about certain teachers and if i had had them when i went there. After i talked to her, and sat down at my table more and more students came in until pretty much every table around us was filled with them, and i could overhear many of the conversations talking about things like the upcoming prom, and games that they were going to go to later, and lots of laughter between friends. As i sat there i just had these crazy feelings of jealousy mixed with gratitude mixed with sadness mixed with joy. I know, im crazy, but basically i was having a serious moment. In nine years, my life has changed so much. But in so many ways it literally feels like yesterday that i was there. I just kept thinking that their lives are so full of potential right now,and in the next few years they are going to decide the path of the rest of their lives." The worries right now to them feel so huge, like who am i going to go to prom with and what am i going to wear, they are so ready to be done with high school and to be on there own, to leave their parents and have total freedom. But looking back it is so crazy to see how small your world view is in high school and how much can change in just a few years of "total freedom." With that freedom comes having to make your own choices, and as attractive as that sounds to a high school senior, with those choices come consequences both good and bad. I am so unbelievable grateful for the life that i have now, and the perspective that i have gained, but it definitely didn't come without pain and heartache and so many of those feelings are not very far below the surface. I am so blessed to have ended up where i am right now, my life could have looked so different. I also couldn't help but think as i sat there that in another nine years i am going to have a child in high school......CRAZY! I am just getting past that point in the lives of my kids where every day drags on forever, and now i am really starting to feel that whole blink and we are celebrating another birthday thing. Once they get into school the years really seem to blow by, i just can't believe grace is almost done with first grade!

So all that to say it was a day full of reflecting. Inside there are parts of me that still feel like a high school student, and then there are parts that feel like an old woman. ;) I guess this is all just part of the aging process. Mostly i am so glad that i have a God who has walked with me every step of the way, and even when i wasn't looking to Him for direction He was there waiting patiently. And with Him alone can i look into the next nine years and more with a sense of peace and expectancy.